Caffeine
by Lucy Anne Porter
Summary: Well, I got bored one day, so I asked the question...What do you think would happen if InuYasha got his hands on Mountain Dew? This is the result. Rated for mention of drugs and a couple swears. Read, review, and enjoy!


Stuck in the future all day with nothing to do…Poor InuYasha. Kagome was taking a test for school, this lately becoming the only reason she ever returned to her time. The principal had thrown a fit when he saw InuYasha with the Tetsusaiga sitting on the roof of the school. Weapon on school property and all that jazz. Nearly got the hanyou tossed into jail, though he continued to yell out that he needed it to keep Kagome safe…

She didn't appreciate that. It got her into trouble as well. And caused her to miss the rest of the test. Ooh yeah, he'd been sat quite a bit for that. There was a VERY deep InuYasha crater that night….

Anyway, I digress. InuYasha was relegated to walking around Kagome's village. And this was where the trouble all started.

Well, first off, how common is it to see a silver-haired teenager in a red suit wearing a blue baseball cap? The answer is not very common at all. So naturally, people stared at the poor hanyou. Some small children, obviously with some major self-esteem issues, took to making fun of InuYasha.

"Hey Santa, where's your beard?"

"Can I have a present, Sandy Claws?"

"Having a bad hair day, red boy?"

And on and on…stupid brats, they were all worse than Shippou!

Now, the second bit of trouble was his escape into the grocery store where Kagome always bought his ramen…where he crashed headlong into a stack of green soda cases, knocking the top three onto the ground, where the soda cans burst out.

Needless to say, the grocer was none too pleased.

"DO YOU REALIZE HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO IMPORT THIS?"

"No sir…"

"Well, you break it, you buy it, idiot."

InuYasha wanted to protest this, but somehow knew that it wasn't exactly wise to antagonize this fellow any further. The grocer's blood pressure already looked to be at a peak, and InuYasha definitely didn't need to add a stroke to his list of things that were going wrong that morning alone. So, sighing, he took out a couple thousand yen and handed it to the red-faced man, picked up the cans, and headed out to get back to the Higurashi shrine.

InuYasha walked through the sliding door, a nervous look on his face at the thought of Mrs. Higurashi discovering his unfortunate purchase. After all, she had given him that money to buy lunch for himself, not three cases of—he looked at the boxes in his arms—Mountain Dew.

Well, there was one way she wouldn't find out. InuYasha would just have to drink every last bit. It was easier than going down the well, simply because he knew that Shippou would most definitely try to steal it. And InuYasha wanted to protect what was his. Kagome, the Tetsusaiga, this green stuff…

Popping open the first can, he took a tentative sip.

"Hey, this stuff ain't bad!" He realized, downing the rest of the can in one gulp and then making short work of the next thirty-five cans. In the space of twelve minutes and three seconds, all that remained as evidence of the purchase were three empty boxes and a jittery hanyou.

A jittery hanyou who really wanted to see Kagome.

About a minute later, there stood InuYasha outside the school. Yes, you read that right. A minute. It's amazing what caffeine can do! His hands were twitching, his feet tapping on the ground in an odd sort of rhythm-less jig, and his amber eyes were wide, pupils dilated.

The bell rang, indicating a break from the testing, and InuYasha zoomed into the building before the students even registered that they were free for the next thirty minutes. And InuYasha stood outside Kagome's classroom, waiting patiently for the door to open.

And it did, though not quickly enough for the caffeine-high hanyou. As soon as he heard the hinges creak ever so slightly, he burst into the room, picked up Kagome, and ran out, ignoring her angry yells until…

"SIT BOY!"

And he sat. Spectacularly. The spell obviously was affected by the caffeine as well, and acted above and beyond the call of duty. Kagome, not expecting the spell to have such an effect with only one utterance of The Word, stood blinking and looking down into the crater.

"Inu…Yasha?"

_BOING!_

And out sprang a hanyou. Still jittery. Still twitching. Still wanting to see Kagome.

"Kagome! It's good to see you! Did you know that the green stuff makes you feel good? It makes me feel good, so it should make you feel good. I can buy more and you can try it!" InuYasha said, seemingly in one breath.

"InuYasha? Are you…did you smoke marijuana?" Kagome asked, eyes wide at the thought that her hanyou might turn into a drug addict.

"No, I don't think that's what it said on the cans. Maybe it did, I don't remember, but it was really good!"

Kagome sweatdropped. _Well, at least it's not marijuana. But then why is he so jumpy…?_

"InuYasha? Where did you buy it?" Kagome asked.

"In the store, the corner store, the place you buy my ramen!" He replied in a sing-song voice, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

_Maybe he is stoned…_Kagome thought, looking at him worriedly.

"OK, InuYasha, I want you to take me to the store and I'll see what it is you bought. Whatever it is, you are NOT going to have it again. Period. End of conversation."

InuYasha nodded, pulling Kagome onto his back and tearing off down the street. Within seconds, they had reached the shop. Kagome slid off his back and the two walked in.

"Oh no! You're back! Don't knock over more cans if you know what's good for you, ya mongrel!" The shopkeeper yelled, standing in front of the tower of boxes of Mountain Dew. Kagome sweatdropped again, as InuYasha bounced around her, seeming not to notice the shopkeeper's warning.

"See Kagome? That's what I bought, and it's really good. You should try it! I'm sure we can buy some more!"

"InuYasha, I don't have any money, and I'm not allowed to drink during my tests. When I finish, maybe. Now, no. Now, could you bring me back to the school?"

InuYasha sighed at her lack of cooperation, but nevertheless slung her onto his back and dashed out of the store…

Knocking over a towering pile of mangoes in his wake.

That poor shopkeeper.

InuYasha was bored again. He had already run around Tokyo three times while Kagome was taking the test, and there was still an hour left. So, what better way to burn off energy than slaughtering your stupid elder brother? I can't think of a better way, and neither could InuYasha.

Leaping over the side of the well, InuYasha found himself back in the Sengoku Jidai, staring up at the very demon he was searching for.

"Little brother, why do you stare at this Sesshoumaru thus?"

"I'm gonna whup your ass today, Sesshoumaru!"

"This Sesshoumaru doubts that."

"Oh yeah?! Well, watch this!"

And he was off, whipping out Tetsusaiga and performing the Wind Scar in every direction, blocking off Sesshoumaru's every hope for escape.

That is, except for up. And Sesshoumaru's eyes were twitching nearly as much as InuYasha's as he leapt into the air. Poor boys.

"You are obviously inebriated, little brother. What ails you this time?"

"MOUNTAIN DEW WILL KICK YOUR SORRY ASS, SESSHOUMARU!" InuYasha yelled, before collapsing on the ground in a heap, the caffeine high having finally worn off.

On the other side of the well, Kagome was still waiting outside the school for InuYasha.

_Hmph. Probably off in Okinawa and just got lost on his way home,_ she decided, shrugging and making her way home on foot.

A/N: Yep, that's my latest brainchild. Kudos go to my good friend Diaster for the idea of InuYasha running around waving the Tetsusaiga, but I added Sesshoumaru. Bwahaha. As to the disclaimer, I obviously do not own either InuYasha or Mountain Dew. If I owned Mountain Dew, I never would have stopped making Pitch Black. InuYasha is the brainchild of the great Rumiko Takahashi (Worships) and Mountain Dew is the brainchild of Pepsi. I hope you've enjoyed this, and don't forget to review, or I'll have my Phineas-cat after you in seconds! Muahaha!  
WynnFire


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